Zach Galifianakis is the new Paul Newman

 

A man with no enemies is a man with no character.

A man with no enemies is a man with no character.

The Chicago Tribune, in its new face, asked a great question today: who is going to be the next Paul Newman?

They posit a few completely unacceptable options:

Tom Hanks

Brad Pitt

George Clooney

Henry Paulson

I vomited flaming blood out of my eyes after finishing the article.

 

Teaches Children to Act

Teaches Children to Act

 

 

 

When it comes to general character and professional qualities, only one human comes close to matching the incredible record exuded by Newman: Zach Galifianakis.
Let's go through some of the amazing qualities that make Zach such an exceptional actress and human being.

 

 

 

 

1. Children

Paul Newman loved children.  Everybody knows this because he started his own line of salad dressings that took jobs away from them in developing countries.

Everybody also knows that sociopaths dislike children and find them discomforting.  Zach proves he is not insane when he manifests his love for children in a segment he aired on Jimmy Kimmel's show:

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There is also this great example of Zach's ability to interact with little ones:

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2. Friendship

It takes a special kind of likability and an understated Newmanesque charm to quickly make friends that last a lifetime.  Nobody has perfected this art like our friend Zach.  His gestures, facial expressions, and even his beard all contribute to the genuine feeling of comfort and acceptance he creates for those around him.  We could all take a few lessons from this bona fide don juan :

 

 

3.  Grace

Zach's capacity as a talented passacaglia dancer emerged during the 1968 Democratic National Convention, when he subdued several hundred yippies into a trance-like state.  He recreated some of these moves at the end of this short docudrama on the art of physical comedic acting.

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